The Idiot Family At Home

Meet Jimmelta Chew Van Der Bratt, possibly the rudest, fattest, most tasteless, laziest woman, and of course, the most foolish and stupid mother imaginable. Not only does she have no fashion sense, eat mountains of doughnuts, but like all celebrity mothers, has named her children after types of materials. Then of course, there’s her husband Piggersnaff Idiot an only child who has been spoilt throughout his life, insisting his father builds him a castle made from gold in the Strand with goat-shaped turrets. It goes without saying that the children attend an unusual school where the head, Precarious Pinchingthorpe-Munching-Mop-Phillips insists students do not write, learn anything too demanding and spend the day as they wish.

Meet the most vulgar, repulsive, and amazingly rich family who have absolutely no taste. Descended from goat-speaking dynasties and stupid and ridiculous heritages, the family now live in the Strand in Bullion Castle, which as you can imagine is made entirely of gold.

Now this probably wouldn’t be so bad except the tables chairs and furniture in general are also made of gold which has to be polished by the servants, the Inherited Australian Convicts.

So the story goes on, eventually Jimmelta is arrested in London for stealing doughnuts and causing trouble. Her punishment is to do community service in Blackpool Illuminations, which is made into a community reality programme, where viewers vote in each day to decide which chore have to be done.

Yes it’s a funny satirical story about modern life, but it’s still a tale of redemption and hope of the vulgarity of greed and avarice. The names are caricatures of the people in the book which really is designed to be read aloud to so as to enjoy the language and puns.


www.annestairmand.co.uk


About Anne:

Although originally from North Yorkshire, I have been living near London since I graduated, from Leeds which is many years ago. Throughout my career in teaching which has spanned roughly twenty years I have taught all age groups been Head of English, worked in Essex Advisory Service, and been Director of a Humanities College working on a secondary leadership team.

However, the love for writing has always been inherent in my make-up and though I have written, it’s never been serious as there simply hasn’t been enough time to do it with care thought and precision.

This is now my time. The Idiot Family at Home is my first self-published book with another two in the offing, and I have loved every moment of this frightening and creative process, which as you know, can be daunting. I believe in my work, as do all writers and am constantly surprised at the new worlds the mind explores when developing the plot or characters. More than that, I thoroughly enjoy promoting, organizing and presenting the book to a wide range of audiences, so, have become absorbed in the journey of the Idiot Family and their final destination into the hands of my readers.

The humour in the book reflects my love for satire, Monty Python, French and Saunders, Fawlty Towers, Private Eye and my love for the absurdity of life in general. So writing satirically has been an attempt to take the incongruity of life and mask them into characters which the reader either finds horrible or entertaining. By giving them amusing names the reader has a clear picture of the caricatures in the story and can enjoy them. I mean, who has ever met a woman called Snailetta Bottom, or Jimmelta Chew Van Der Bratt, or known a head master called Precarious Pinchingthorpe-Munching-Mop-Phillips? Exactly.

Of course, whilst there will be second book in this series, I am currently writing a serious teenage novel and an adult one, both of which deal with justice and redemption, but are entirely different from the trials of my sad heroine Jimmelta.

Adding to this, I design and make silver jewellery with pearls and silks. I have my own hallmark and stamp, which is another extension of creativity still demanding time, patience and precision when forming a new piece of jewellery. I have been doing this for about eight years and have commissions for bespoke pieces regularly. Though this sounds a glamorous profession, it couldn’t be further from the truth; when working with silver I resemble a builder or welder on a building site. It is a messy, dirty and quite dangerous occupation, as sanding, annealing, soldering, sawing, moulding the silver into the required shapes as it is quite industrial

I do love the combination of the two of the two very diverse forms of expression, though writing is my first passion- I know this to be the case, as, I have to write everyday. So I am I fulfilled? Yes, all I have to do now, is to be rich and famous- obviously it will take a few weeks!!!!